mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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