Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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