i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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