While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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