how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
