I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He kissed a someone with a penis
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
