well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
