i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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