Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
