Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
