Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just pee around me
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
