I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
