I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
