I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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