I skipped work to stalk him.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
