remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
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