he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
