So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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