I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
