i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
