Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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