Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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