My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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