We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
