no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
