yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
