Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
