the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He passed out mid-signature
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
