had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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