you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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