After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
