So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
