right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
