Nicole vs. Life
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
