Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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