I just saw a hot homeless man
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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