naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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