You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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