Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
