3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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