bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
