John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
