Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
your like the ambassador to my penis.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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