Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
