Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
birth control should be required to get into college
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
