help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
