He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
