the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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