did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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