this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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