I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
