So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
