ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Four minutes until I can fart!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
