I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
