I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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